How to keep your children from being raped (one of Taiwo Odubiyi’s articles on rape in the Sunday Mirror, a Nigerian newspaper)
Every case of rape I hear during my programmes, counselling sessions with people or read in newspapers baffles me. In my book ‘Rape & how to handle it’, I mentioned some rape incidences which I still find difficult to comprehend till today. Here are five of them:
1) A seven-year old girl who was raped at different times by two uncles living with her mother!
2) A girl who was sexually abused from the age of eight years till she was fourteen (six lo-o-o ng years)!
3) A two-year old girl who was raped by her father. The girl later died.
4) A sixty-two year old married man and father who raped a three-year old girl. After the act, he simply let her go and went out for the day’s normal work as if nothing had happened! (as reported by Saturday Sun – a Nigerian newspaper)
5) A nine month old baby who was raped by six men!
6) An eleven month old girl who was raped by a thirty year old man in Congo .
Rape occurs when a person has sex with another person without the person’s consent, permission or cooperation. This is very wrong and destructive.
Some facts to keep in mind
Anyone who is able to have sex can rape.
Rapists attack every age including the elderly and toddlers.
According to statistics, those who usually fall victims are the young, the innocent and the naïve most of which are children.
Children are gifts from God and so, as caretakers, we should protect and take care of them.
There are a number of things parents and guardians can do to protect their children from being raped.
Rape can be prevented to a large extent as most rapists are known to the victims. As I mentioned in the book ‘Rape & how to handle it’, rape happens more at home, and by a known person who knows the child and the family and who the child trusts than on the street by a stranger.
Also, it happens more in the night and in secluded places. And so, if parents will put all this information in mind and be watchful, their children will be protected.
How to protect your children
In ‘Oh Baby!’, (one of my novels) Tammy told some children during Sunday school class, “Don’t allow anyone to touch your body in an inappropriate manner or remove your clothes, alright?”
Making eye contact with them, she added, “Your body belongs to you. Say no to the person, whoever the person is. And don’t let the person put your hand on his body or her body. Even if the person is an adult, tell him or her to stop, do you understand?”
A young girl of about eight years raised her hand and said, “You said we should say no to adults if they want to touch our bodies but the teacher in our class says we should respect adults and do what they say.”
Tammy responded, “Your teacher is right. You should respect adults and adults should also respect you by not touching your body. Your body belongs to you. Any adult who wants to touch your body in an inappropriate manner or fondle you or make you touch him or her is not a good adult.”
And in my storybook for children, Rescued by Victor, Mother told her children, “There are some things a girl can do to avoid being raped. Number one, you have to be careful with boys and men whether at home or school. Two, don’t let anyone entice you with gifts. Three, don’t let anyone touch your bodies. It is not right; your body belongs to you. Even if the person is your teacher or daddy or one of your uncles, don’t allow it. Four, don’t allow anyone to pull up your dress. If your dress is being pulled up, pull it down. Five, if someone is doing something that is improper to you, or if something should happen to you, anything at all, I want you to tell me about it. I will believe and protect you. Is that alright?”
“Yes.” We chorused.
“Another thing you should do is to say no to that person. You can say no. Uju did not realise that she could say no that was why the sexual abuse continued to happen. I want you to say no. Go ahead, say it.”
“No.”
“Again … more firmly.” She said.
“No!”
Here are ten of the seventeen things I mentioned in the book ‘Rape & how to handle it’, that parents and guardians can do to keep their children from getting raped.
1) Be very observant and sensitive. Also, closely monitor your child’s movement. That way, you know what is going on under your roof and in your child’s life especially if you have a male living with you.
2) Pray for them, talk to them and speak positively into their lives regularly.
3) Let them know that their bodies belong to them and they should not allow ANYONE to touch them anyhow because it is not right.
4) Encourage them to confide in you and let them know that you will believe them. That way, they are likely to tell you things that tend towards sexual abuse, and you are able to stop it early.
5) Discourage them from getting too close to males even if they are related.
6) As much as possible, have separate rooms for your male and female children especially if you have a male nephew or cousin staying with you.
7) Be careful of allowing your children to spend the night at a friend’s house. This could be dangerous as I pointed out in the book ‘Rescued By Victor’.
If you have a house help or a babysitter, try to know the person and if you have any funny feeling about the person, do something about the situation.
9) Try to meet and know your child’s teacher(s) or anyone who will be spending substantial amount of time with your child.
10) Tell them not to accept rides, gifts or favours from strangers.
