Rape, facts and help (one of Taiwo Odubiyi’s articles on rape in Sunday Mirror, a Nigerian newspaper)
In Tears On My Pillow (one of my novels), when Moni asked Ufuoma to tell her how she was sexually abused for years by a married man whom she called Daddy, Ufuoma frowned – how could Moni understand what she had gone through when she had not experienced such a thing? How could Moni understand the trauma, the inner turmoil, the shame and the feeling of worthlessness she had been battling with for years? That wicked man broke not only her body but her spirit too!
And in Love On The Pulpit, (another novels of mine), when Teni was telling Dave, her fiancé, of how she was raped at the age of eight, she said, “The man left but not the agony. I went into shock. I withdrew to myself … I felt worthless and dirty. I would lie in bed and curl up or sit and wrap my arms around my body protectively … I kept to myself a lot, I didn’t want to talk to anyone … From that time on, I began to struggle with depression and found it difficult to relate with people. I didn’t really want to get to know people and I didn’t want them to get to know me … Even now, when I hear about rape, I still tremble, I still struggle with the pain …”
In the Bible, when Tamar realised what Amnon, his half-brother was about to do, she pleaded with him and said, “No, my brother! Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel ! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel . Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” But he refused to listen to her and forced her. Afterward, with her cloth torn, she put her hands on her head and wept aloud as she went away. (2 Samuel 13) …
I mentioned the issue of rape and how to get over the trauma in the two novels referred to above, and I specially wrote the book ‘Rape & how to handle it’ to reach out and help those who have experienced sexual abuse. When some of the ladies who attended my programmes told me they were sexually abused at young ages, and it happened to someone close to me, Tenderhearts Family Support Initiative was established (NGO), to educate and inform people on: the vices of rape, its prevention, and how victims can be helped. Ever since then, remarks, reports and testimonies have poured in daily. Many of the people who have been sexually abused have been in touch with us, to say they could relate to the feelings of Teni and Ufuoma as mentioned in the novels.
Rape
Rape occurs when a person has sex with another person without the person’s consent, permission or cooperation. This is wrong and destructive.
As I wrote in the book ‘Rape & how to handle it’, there is no reason for a person to be raped. No lady, no matter how bad or promiscuous she is (that is not the way to live though), deserves to be raped. Nobody has the right to violate or abuse another person’s body for any reason whatsoever in the world! Unfortunately, family members and friends of the victims sometimes blame them, saying that they asked for it. But I ask – what woman would want her body and rights snatched from her without her consent?Or what lady would want her body violated? Should any human being be subjected to the violence and humiliation of rape?
The truth is this – it could happen to anybody. These victims just happened to be at a place at the wrong time with the wrong person. Any unsuspecting person could fall victim, and because of the attitude of people, many victims blame themselves, thinking they caused the rape. They keep thinking that they should have done things differently and they cannot easily forgive themselves. They become confused and helpless, and as such, keep quiet, preferring to nurse their emotional wounds alone.
For rape victims
It was not your fault if you are a victim of sexual abuse. Whoever abused you made a very wrong choice, and that’s the truth. Sexual abuse or rape might have affected your life but it should not destroy it. It is not the end of your life. Go for treatment and counselling, if you have not. It has happened and there is nothing you can do to undo it, but you can move forward no matter when it happened and how it happened. Put it behind you.
Of course, you should talk to God about it. Pour your heart out to Him, tell Him all about it and how you feel. He cares about you and wants to help. Look up to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith. Let Him comfort you and be your strength. ‘For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds,’ says the Lord. You need to trust God for peace in your heart, and forgiveness towards the person who abused you.
I also want you to know that there is hope for you in spite of what you have suffered, “For there is hope of a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that the tender branch thereof will not cease. Though the root thereof wax old in the earth, and the stock thereof die in the ground; Yet through the scent of water it will bud, and bring forth boughs like a plant.” (Job 14:7-9 KJV)
If there is hope for a tree, then there is hope for you.
For men
As I wrote in the book God’s words to singles, some people think it doesn’t matter what they think. They fantasize about sinful things, thinking that the thoughts in their minds do not matter as long as they don’t do them. If they don’t matter, the Bible will not tell us to take captive every thought to the obedience of Christ. It is dangerous to indulge in sinful thoughts. Nothing happens by chance. Rape doesn’t just happen, it starts from the mind. Men should never be involved in such acts even if they feel provoked. It is wrong to commit rape. Do not follow others to do it because God will not hold people who do it guiltless. Even if nobody will know or you think you can get away with it, still don’t do it. How would you feel if someone did it to your child? You definitely would not like it. Then, don’t do it to others!
In the novel Love on the pulpit, the man asked for forgiveness from the lady he raped. If you have committed the act, you can also do that. Deal with the wrong things you have done and try to make things right. You should also confess your sin to God. Ask Him to forgive you and you will have peace. He will not walk away or reject you for your mistake. He specialises in restoration and wants to do it in your life.
For others
Rape can be largely prevented. Read the book Rape & how to handle it to learn about this, and let God direct and help you to make good decisions.
If you or someone you know needs helps, don’t hesitate to get in touch.
