I need a girlfriend but don’t have money because I am an undergraduate. What do I need to do?
By: Pastor Taiwo Odubiyi, E-mail: info@pastortaiwoodubiyi.org.uk
By ‘I need a girlfriend’, I suppose you mean you’d like to have someone in your life, start a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage. If that is the case, by putting money first, you are going about it the wrong way, and you could end up with the wrong person, doing the wrong things. God created us with the desire to love, be loved and appreciated. It is not a crime to want someone in your life. Relationships can be very wonderful and fulfilling if properly handled but if not, could bring immense pain, hurt and suffering.
In ‘This Time Around’ (one of my novels), Antonio had sex with a lady he did not know and might never meet again because he lacked knowledge of how things should be. Fortunately for him, he met her again about four years after, and discovered that he had a three year old daughter by her.
In ‘Shadows from the Past’ (another novel by me) Mary was also looking for love, fun and money, and soon became a campus prostitute who slept with every Tom, Dick and Harry because she lacked understanding. When she went to a hospital for medical checkup, she was pronounced HIV positive! HIV? She must be dreaming, she told herself as she sat in a cab in silence, on her way back to the hostel. Her mind was in turmoil as she tried to understand what the doctor had just told her. Everything around her seemed normal but inside, she knew she would never be the same again. Her life had been turned upside down, she thought as she trembled all over.
Lack of knowledge is destructive, that is why God says in the Bible, ‘My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.’
Relationship is not about money and it should not be about money, although there is no true love without giving. As I wrote in one of my novels, a man in love will invest money, time and effort in the relationship. He doesn’t give excuses that he is busy or doesn’t have money to buy phone cards. He is willing to share what he has with his woman and gives gifts. He does things for her without waiting to be asked because he wants her to know he can take care of her. Money will actually make things easy, and so, a man needs to work hard to provide for his family.
In ‘You Found Me’, Sam, a young man from a humble background, knew this truth and he told Ann, “All those material things Daniel is dangling before you cannot make a marriage work. They will eventually fail. It is what our love builds that will stand the test of time. I will work hard and have money. We will have cars; we will have our own house. I will take care of you. I will not make you suffer.”
Relationship is supposed to be about companionship, sharing one’s completeness with another person, and love. This means God must be involved for God is love. (1John 4:8) God instituted relationship. In Gen 2:18, He said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” He created Eve for Adam, and commanded them to “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
Saying ‘I need a girlfriend’ is flimsy, casual and far from what God intended. A good and meaningful relationship is supposed to lead to marriage and bring joy and increase.
To have this healthy and meaningful relationship, the first thing to do is find out what the will of God is for your life. “Do not be unwise but understand what the will of the Lord is.” (Ephesians 5:15)
Next, discover what God wants concerning relationship, and how to go about it. God wants purity. He completely disapproves of premarital sex and every other form of sexual immorality. He ordained sex to be between a man and his wife only. Hebrews 13:4 tells us, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge”
Then you need to have the right motive. Why do you want to be in a relationship? What do you hope to achieve? What is it supposed to create for you? If the motive is wrong, everything will be wrong and the two people involved will be greatly disappointed. Some people go into relationships because of what they can get, and not what they can give. Some others believe they are not complete unless they are in a relationship. There are also people who go into relationships to cure loneliness. These reasons are wrong.
Next, ask God to lead you to the right lady for you, a lady you will love, and who will love you in return. It’s also important that you share values and goals.
If you fear God, and find a lady who does the same, and you love each other, money or lack of it will not be a hindrance. In ‘You Found Me’, Ann agreed to marry Sam, even though he didn’t have money and could not afford the lifestyle she was used to. I need to point out though that a man needs to know what the word of God says, be convinced about it and be able to convince his woman, like Sam did.
And so, for you, young man, what you need to do now is to face your studies and work hard to be successful in life. Remember, “There is a time for everything … a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 5)
For ladies
Should material things, status and money guide your choice of a partner? No.
In ‘You Found Me’, Mrs. Afe told Ann, “Your concerns about finance and Sam’s status are legitimate, they make sense, but then, should they guide your choice of a partner? Are they the most important things to consider? The answer is no. You may wonder why. It’s simply because God can change his situation in the twinkling of an eye.”…
Mrs. Afe went on. “God can make a servant sit on the throne and He can bring a king down from the throne, He has the whole world in His hands. When a man’s ways please the Lord, He will elevate and transform his life. Sam may not look like what you’re looking for now, but that doesn’t mean he’s not the real thing. Don’t bother so much about where he is now; it’s where he’s going that matters. If he’s as nice as you have told me, and he truly loves you, then everything will be alright.”
When God is involved, all other things will fall in place.Love should not be based only on material things.